Break My Fall

What a great way to easily contradict my previous post.

Everything was going if not that good, okay. We were talking and tweeting and everything. Not until you came into the picture. Let's say, yes, he did follow you first. You followed back, just to be nice, and since we talk about him. I was okay with it cause you're just being friendly. Or so I thought. I was taking my entrance exam in De La Salle, which by the way didn't go that well, I was losing all hope throughout the first half of the exam. When I checked my phone, I saw that I had a missed call. And it was for him. This slightly gave me motivation to strive harder to do well in the exam. When I was finished, I texted you and then you called right after. You jokingly said that he was there with you. I was ecstatic. Happy, even. Then as we were walking to the place where we were to wait for a bus, he called. You gave me the phone so that I could talk to him. Then suddenly, it seemed that he wanted to talk to you more than me. Well, that hurt. So, I gave the phone to you and you both blabbed. Blabbed so much that I wanted to erase myself from the world. To be not beside you and hear your conversation would be great. I took my earphones, good thing mom had a pair, and played loud music. I walked away, but not too far cause I didn't want everything to be an issue. Then we got a bus. I thought you would still be talking but no. You just texted. I assumed that it was him whom you were texting. I was giving you the cold shoulder and I hope you felt that. Upon getting off the bus, I was supposed to immediately leeave but I decided to give you a cold good bye. When I arrived home, I immediately pm-ed you a message of all my feelings towards him and that I am really jealous of what you have, and not me having it with him. You said that you were sorry. I expected that you would stop it. A few minutes later, I saw both of you tweeting. Strike one. The following day, he posted on your wall. Strike two. That evening, he tweeted you first and I assumed that it was because of something that you texted or talked about. Strike three. You're out.

You just chose him over me. You just lost your best friend over a guy. I can't believe it. How could you? I told you that I liked him. I thought that you were nice. I never want to see you. Too much. I really, really hate you right now. Like to the point when I hated you alongside with Rayban. I fucking hate you. To the bones. I treated you as my best friend. But what do you do? You take it for granted, I guess, and you rip my feelings away. I am right. You're developing feelings for him and who knows? He might have developed some for you. I hope you're happy, bitch. Cause like I said before, and this time it's for real, I'm out of your life and you no longer have a John in your next chapters. I'm no lose. Have it your way. Have everything your way. Thank you.

Is It Wrong?

I feel so pathetic. Here I go again thinking that we have something where in fact, it's all in my mind. I hate knowing that you won't like me and troubles me that I'm not doing anything about it. 

For the past few days, I've been talking to you on the phone and frequently tweeting you. I made this whole other world where we had a thing and that we'd be together someday. It's weird how you were completely comfortable talking to me especially since I was just a 'stalker' to you before and I was trying to catch your attention way too much. But you talked to me so easily that I was shocked. 

What shocked me more was that you told me a lot in a span of two hours. We usually talk by 3AM then finish before the clock strikes 4AM. We've already talked about your ex(es), guys you've had a thing with, and this weird trait of yours where you can't have something intimate with someone more than a hug with your cheek pressed against to his cheek, I guess. With that then on, I totally changed how I viewed you as a person and wanted a complete make-over myself. 

I don't care about how you talked about who is Makkie's new boyfriend (and that being how we got to talk to each other). I don't care how you always talk about you and anything you want to talk about. I don't even care about the sex - a hug is all I need right now.

I want to be with the boyy who talks a lot.