Adore You

How would I even begin this?

That night, you pm-ed me on Facebook. Of course, I would be excited. You were talking to me first. That seldom happens. I was giddy inside. You asked for us to Skype. I didn't decline because I honestly missed your face and I needed any kind of contact with you. I'd settle with a video chat.

It was Christmas. Somehow, I had my own Christmas date. Somehow in my weirdly constructed mind, we were together. You were mine and I was yours.

Once our videos appeared on each other's screens, I couldn't hide what I was feeling. I really was so happy. It was an amazing surprise that made my Christmas day perfect. After feeling totally sad about Christmas, you brought back hope on the special occasion. My cheeks blushed as I tried to hide them away from the camera so that you wouldn't tease me. But you saw them. And you teased me. It was a good kind of teasing because at least you noticed it.

First things first. I helped you with your interview. I asked you questions and you would reply. A lot of things went through my mind as we did. Why me? Why not her? So you're really making me help you go away from me? Are you serious? Don't you know how painful it is for me to see you go? But I had to act cool if I wanted to talk to you.

Each word you spoke made me very happy. Although the connection was a bit off making our audio and video delayed. But it was okay. I could hear you. I could see you. It was better than just a blank screen and a few words unsaid.

The interview went well. I got to know how it would go. I was surprise to know that you would be staying there for only three weeks! But then dismayed when I found out that it was just a lie. You told me that you would extend the three weeks to six months then come back for six more months until your greencard would be processed. I didn't know what to think at that time.

As things were done we decided to look for a some things to laugh at. A few tumblr stuffs and it gave us a few minutes of laughter. I even showed you your post that you made that broke my heart. Well, it was worth a shot to see how you would handle it. I was a bit disappointed.

We watched two episodes of something that we both love, FRIENDS. I tried to synchronize your audio with me. It made me believe that we were watching the same thing, at the exact same time. You looked so cute while watching. A dream come true to watch something I love with someone that I love. As the second episode began, however, you turned the lights off and I could barely see you. But it was still okay. Cause I knew you were there.

You were really sleepy so I let you go to sleep. To my surprise, you didn't end the call. The screen was black. All I could hear was the fan. I watched a few more episodes and couldn't control a giggle. You sssh-ed me. It was so sweet. A kind of boyfriend thing, I have to admit.

The call was ended by my faulty internet connection. It was almost 5 hours and it was the best 5 hours of my year. But this got me thinking of how I really felt but more importantly, how you felt. I didn't want to assume and decipher things on my own because I don't want to create something not worth believing at all. I'm afraid to talk to you, to confront you, to ask you of what is real, but most importantly, to be rejected.

All throughout the call, I was so happy. You gave me the best Christmas present no amount of money can equate to. I love you, Jose Renzo Bainco. Please be mine. Good luck on your interview.