Best Thing I Never Had

i. I think I've finally gone numb from all the pain. I think I've finally realized my stupidity. But I don't think I'll be over you anytime soon.

ii. I can't gather my thoughts right now. Everything is a blur. Just like what we are. Right from the very start, we were a blur. I thought I could focus that blur so that I'd see the picture more clearly but sadly, it didn't work out.

iii. What pains me more is knowing that after all I did, I still couldn't capture your heart. I did things that I, myself, was surprised. I saw myself doing things for someone that I thought would like me back. Things that I've only done for someone that I really like. I don't want to say that I regret anything that I did but I somehow do. I could have given it to another person but I wanted it so it's my fault. 

iv. I'm so stupid to think that you would actually fall for a guy like me. How stupid can I get? I am such a hopeless romantic. I hate myself for being so. I'll never find love. I'll never find happiness. Then comes the issue of self-esteem. I hate it.

v. I'm thankful, to say, that you gave me another chance. Thank you for making me happy and for making me smile. 

vi. I love you and this is finally it. We're going our separate ways as if we even walked the same path. 

vii. I wish you never even came back and showed your ass back. I've forgotten about you before and now my feelings are back. I remember our first meeting, our second, third and fourth. I remember the tweets, messages, and calls. I remember everything and I just want to forget it all. No, I want to forget what I am feeling. I want this to continue but it can't. Everything has to end and just really never wanted this to end. 

viii. It's going to be hard ending this but I have to. 

ix. It sucks how you can't teach your heart to love someone but you have to force your heart to forget someone. It's unfair. 

x. Honestly, you turned out to be the best thing I never had.

My friend told me that you have to go through four people before you meet your true love, or as she put it The One.

There is this time when you would feel your heart's presence and make you feel the butterflies inside your stomach. An indescribable feeling whenever you see this person. It is with this person that you feel sweet and you create images of the both of you living together happily. This person could be called your puppy love. The someone that your friends would tease you of. If you're a guy, you would tease her about silly things and she would end up crying. If you're the girl, you would be annoyed in the most irritable way possible. That's how everything usually starts especially in elementary. It is in this person's identity that you have found your First Love.

Everything perfect. It's like you have the complete package and you can no longer look for anything else. The attitude, personality, fun and weird things about him/her, hobbies, and everything from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet and everything in between. This is what you call perfection. Whoever, something is off. And yes, it's the timing. You met the ideal person whom you envisioned spending the rest of your life with but sadly, you just met at the worst possible moment. And worst of it all, the perfection of that was supposed to be yours, you would have to deal with it being taken away by some other person and you can do nothing about it. You've found and lost The One That Could Have Been.

Now in the duration of your life, you would meet someone that is reckless, carefree, lives in YOLO beliefs, and just is the perfect definition of something gone wrong. This person could be smoking pot, or cutting class, or slitting his wrists, or intimidating people to get what he wants. He is so wrong that you could never picture yourself with him. But despite this awful background, you will find the beauty in him and fall in love. You will learn to appreciate and understand what he has gone through and you will learn to accept his flaws and actions and just take him whole-heartedly as he is. I guess you could say that he's The Bad Boy.

And last of them is someone that you've already had but failed to keep. Someone that is so near that you have him at arm's length and someone that you can feel on your fingertips. Someone that is, let me say it again, perfect for you. Unlike before, everything is falling into the right places. The time and place, what happens next, how you met, and everything else. It's like the perfect love story. You would think that you have found your 'happily ever after' but you haven't. You are either separated by death, or distance, or parent's decision or whatever. This person was already there but I guess he's The One That Got Away.

Now ask yourself this: Have you seen your First Love? The One That Could Have Been? The Bad Boy? And The One That Got Away? If so, then hurray for you. You're on your way in finding your true love, The One. The One is your missing piece, the other pair, the perfect match, the one who would be there for you no matter what comes in your way, the one who would make you smile and forget about your worries and problems, the one that would accept you and your mistakes, flaws and apprehensions, the one that would make you live life to the fullest, and the one that will make you experience everything as if it is your first time.