If I Lose Myself Tonight

My third Happy Thursday was perfect. It was the wildest I've been. It's unfathomable and unforgettable.

Having seen you under the light of the lamppost, it made me eternally happy. It's been a while since we've last seen each other. My world twisted and turned. I was so dizzy from the beer I have drunk that it was a miracle that I was able to walk straight. A first timer with beer, I didn't know how long I would last.

We sat side by side, awkward. I ignored you the best that I can. It wasn't difficult. Being drunk, I was true. No lying, no plasticity. But I withheld my actions. I was in fact wanting to hold you, or better yet, grab you by your waist and pull you closer, kiss you on your lips, down to your neck, caressing your parts and ignore the background.

We played a game. You kissed me, held me, let me hug you. It was... wow. Te amo, beer. You've gone drunk, more or less, that it made you do actions that you were never able to do when you were sober. I cherished it because I may never know when it will happen again. As each ball was shot into the cup, we hugged. Before throwing each ball, you kissed me for good luck. Too bad we lost in the end which made us both even more drunk.

Then you crashed. Down on the pavement of the bar. You ranted about life. How you will never be successful. How you were such a failure. How you wanted to leave but only stayed for your friends. Everything went down from there. Later, I vomited. It was disgusting. The insides of me, all liquid. After that, I became sober.

We rode a taxi to a place to sleep in. In the room we were alone. We were together. Under the sheets, we were naked. It was there and then where we made history. We made love. I made love, while you, well, I know it wasn't love. I took it in and placed it in my mind.

As each kiss went throughout the night, it was, it was... I don't even know what it was. It was unforgettable. It was unfathomable. It was only for that night.

Almost

You called as night enclosed dusk. I hurriedly answered your call. It got me thinking what it was you needed from me. It didn't had to be something big or something small because I knew in my head that in a snap, I'll do it right away. I wouldn't think things through because I'll gladly do anything for you.

You asked me where I was and what I was doing. Perhaps it was only for formality. Immediately after, you told to meet you in a church. I did not have any second thinking, I said yes and I'll get ready in an instant. I quit from the game that I was playing and got ready. I was rushing more than ever. Faster than I have ever been. Maybe I was rushing because I was meeting you.

You told me that you were in a fast food chain around the church with your friends. No, not just your friends but your best friends. I was far-fetched. Did you call me up to introduce me to your best friends? Was this the night that I would finally get to meet the both of them? A lot of questions roamed my mind as the jeepney drove across the expressway, the wind in my face and the cold breeze of night blanketing me. I couldn't wait for the warmth that would come from you.

You kept calling me as if you were excited. Your best friends were already getting an idea who was coming. I was lost. It took me four tries because apparently there were four fast food chains around the church. I came and you saw me sweating like a pig. I looked horrible. My hair was unruly, not the way that I like it. It could not get any worse. But everything bad was made up because I saw something that I like. You.

You were still freaking out even if I was already right beside you. Your best friends were giddy inside because I came after all. They know you so well. Now you kept asking why I came, telling me that I should learn to decline every now and then. I thought to myself, why did I come? I knew in the back of my mind that it was all because of you.

You took me to a place that I've never been to. It was a church. I don't normally attend mass because it's not the type of person I am. We sat inside and you, along with your best friends, did your prayers. Suddenly, the speaker sounded. It asked us to hold hands in prayer. I took your hand and held it to mine. It was the first time I ever held you.

You act as if it was nothing. To me, it was something. We went out of the church and just sat under the moonlight and admired the church itself. The sound of water falling from a nearby fountain was soothing. It was a fun moment for all of us that you wanted to remember it so dearly. You took out your camera and asked me to take a picture. I'm not good with holding a camera to take self-portraits so I declined. Later on, I accepted the task. The first shot was a failure. We couldn't see the end. So, I tried again and it was perfect. Perhaps it was perfect because not only it was our first picture together but because I was sitting right next to you.

You and your friends needed to go home. I did not say no because it was getting late. You asked if you could borrow my hoodie and I said yes. Clearly, I do not know how to decline. We parted ways happy. Well, I was happy. I wish I could say the same for you.

You were already on your way home and I was also. It was the same thing again. Driving across the expressway under the blanket of the night, embraced by the cold breeze of it, but now it was colder, without my jacket, and still longing for a warm embrace that would come from you.

You are the beginning and you are the ending. It all starts from you and I'm glad it does. Literally, every paragraph begins and ends with you.